Tune: Bob The Builder	Kevin Keegan, Can he fix it? Kevin Keegan, Can he fu*k!
City Are a Massive Club Tune: He's got the whole world in his hands	They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League... They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League... They've got the tallest floodlights in the Football League... Oh! city are a massive club! Other verses: They've got the widest pitch in the land They've got 54 players and they're no fucking good They've got Curly Watts as a celebrity fan They play at Gresty Road and Edgerly Park They go to Wrexham and Cardiff on Euro-aways They had the future England Captain, but his cruciate went They won the Shamrock Trophy in 92 They've got 3 stars on their new club badge They've got exec boxes with a balcony They've had seventeen managers in twenty years They take 25,000 to every away You can see Old Trafford from the Kippax Stand They've got the best goalie the world has ever seen They're the second-best team in Division Two They have a civic reception when they've won fuck all They had a continental Laser Blue Kappa Kit They're going to turn Manchester into Milan They signed Spencer Prior on deadline day They've got the Gallagher brothers in the Guvernors They took a quarter of a million to Ewood Park They've got 3007 in a temporary stand They've got the tallest corner flags in the world They invade their pitch when they win 3 points They won the Shamrock Trophy in '92 They had Ryan Giggs on schoolboy forms They've got a farmyard animal and they play him up front They've got three million fans in Manchester It's been 27(28..29..) years and they've won fuck all They've got a dirty old slapper with a rusty bell They'll stay up for 3 seasons - autumn, winter and spring They empty Stockport when they play at home They've got four different stands from a Meccano kit They're the only team that come from Manchester All their fans live 10 minutes from Maine Road They've got the biggest bananas in the land They've got a centre forward with grooves in his head Their managers got a papier mache head They'll be relegated by bonfire night They've got salt and pepper on their hot dog stands They've got greenalls bitter in the kippax stand They've got the greenest grass in the whole of the world They hounded Swales' mam into an early grave They've got a gypsy curse on their massive pitch Their best player ever played for Ajax reserves They had a derby match with Macclesfield They had Colin Bell who was better than Best(!) They've been relegated ten times They had a chairman and a manager that wore a wig They bought Steve Daly for a million quid They tried to sign Geoff Thomas and he turned 'em down They've got Bernard Manning as their fattest fan They used to be little, but now they're large They sing racist chants, coz they've got no class
Tune: Oh my darling Clementine	Build a bonfire, Build a bonfire, Put the Scousers on the top, Put City in the middle, And we'll burn the f*cking lot
tune: this is how it feels (Inspiral Carpets)	This is how it feels to be City This is how it feels to be small This is how it feels when your team wins nothing at all Nothing at all...
tune: bad moon rising	I see the Stretford End arising I see trouble on the way Don't go out tonight Unless you're red and white I see there's trouble on the way.
tune: Yellow Submarine	City's goin' down with a Russian on the wing, a Russian on the wing, a Russian on the wing...
tune: US Marine Corps marching chant (call and repeat)	We're Man U and we are loud, Loyal fans and totally proud, Beat 'em at home beat 'em away, Kill any b*stards that get in our way, We hate City, Scouse, Leeds scum, And we make the b*stards run, With this team we shall go far, Hughes, Giggs, Sharpe and Cantona, Won the league let's do it again, By just one point instead of ten, We'll keep the red flag flying high, 'Coz Man United will never die.
	Hello, hello, we are the the Busby boys, Hello, hello, we are the the Busby boys, And if you are a City fan, Surrender or you'll die, We all follow United.
(tune: Blaydon Races)	Oh, me lads, You should have seen us coming, Fastest team in the League, Just to see us winning, All the lads and lasses, With smiles upon their faces, Walking down the Warwick Road, To see Matt Busby's aces.
(tune : The Wild Rover)	And it's Man United, Man United F.C. We're by far the greatest team, The world has ever seen.
Stretford End Picnic Tune: Teddy Bear's picnic	If you come down to the Stretford End You'd better not come alone If you come down to the Stretford End You'd better be in disguise For all the fans that ever was Are gathered here today because Today's the day that we play Man City
	We love United, we do, We love United, we do, We love United, we do, Oh, United we love you.
Tune: When the Saints go marching in	Oh Manchester, Oh Manchester, Oh Manchester is wonderful, It's full of t*ts, f*nny, and United, Oh Manchester is wonderful.
Tune: Jingle Bells	Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way, Oh what fun it is to see, United win away - oh!
Tune : Unknown	Oh it's a grand old team to play for, Oh it's a grand old team to see, And if, you know, your history, It's enough to make your heart go woh, oh, oh,oh, We don't care what the City fans say, What, the hell do we care, For we only know, that there's gonna be a show, And the famous Man United will be there.
	We are United supporters, Loyal through and through, Over and over, We will follow you.
Tune : When the Saints go marching in	Oh when the reds, oh when the reds, Oh when the reds go marching in, I wanna be in that number, Oh when the reds go marching in.
Tune : Land of hope and glory	We hate Nottingham Forest, We hate Liverpool too, (and Leeds), We hate Manchester City, But United we love you - altogether now...
Tune : Land of hope and glory	We will follow United, Over land and sea, We will follow United, On to victory.
	Oh at the turn of the year Newcastle were twelve points clear The Geordies, they were ordering their beer Then the KING made us sing With the goals he slotted in And led us to another Double Win
Tune : Daydream Believer	Cheer up Kevin Keegan, Oh what can it mean, to a Sad Geordie b*stard, and a Sh*te football team.
Tune : The Halls of Montezuma ( U.S. Marine Corps march)	From the banks of the River Irwell, To the shores of Sicily, We will fight, fight, fight, for United, 'Till we win the Football League, To hell with Liverpool, To hell with Man City - (they're sh*t!) We will fight, fight, fight, for United, 'Till we win the Football League.
Tune : We shall not be moved	We shall not, we shall not be moved, We shall not, we shall not be moved, Just like the team, that's gonna win the Football League - again! We shall not, we shall not be moved.
Tune : For he's a jolly good fellow	We're gonna win the league, We're gonna win the league, And now you're gonna believe us, And now you're gonna believe us, And now you're gonna believe us, We're gonna win the league
Tune : Lord of the Dance	Drink, drink, wherever you may be, We are the drunk and disorderly, And we don't give a f*ck, and we don't give a sh*t, We're going home with the championship.
Tune : Lord of the Dance	Drink, drink, wherever you may be, We are the drunk and disorderly, And we don't give a sh*t, and we don't give a f*ck, We're going home with the European Cup! (as heard loudly in Catalunya Square in Barcelona the morning of May 26 1999!)
Tune : Down by the Riverside	We won the Football League again, Down by the Riverside, Down by the Riverside, Down by the Riverside. We won the Football League again, Down by the Riverside, Down by the Riverside.
Tune: She'll be comin' round the Mountain	"Have you ever seen Chelsea win the league? Have you ever seen Chelsea win the league? Have you ever seen Chelsea, ever seen Chelsea, ever seen Chelsea win the league? HAVE YOU ****!"